What is this, some kind of viral marketing babble? Get it over with and Download The New Dr. Zoltan Album. It’s here. Really.

John 16:12 “I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear.”

Dr. Zoltan, creator of the failed syndicated radio show, “Why Are You Asking Me?” has announced that he is developing a new, taller, better video aspect ratio known as 16:12.

“It is better because it is taller than 16:9,” said Dr. Øbelisk, from his top-secret laboratory that orbits the moon.

It is a revolutionary change that will mean more storytelling power for blockbuster directors. Filmmaker Peter Jackson has already planned to shoot both of his upcoming Hobbit feature films using specially-modified prototype cameras, allowing more breathtaking views of epic landscapes and mythical battles.

Some skeptics point out that this discovery will require overhauling every movie theater in the world, raising not only their roofs but ticket prices.

Jeff Blake, President of Sony Pictures, in an interview at USC Film School last week, remarked: “Moviegoers are not ready for movies that are taller. Hell, we only made them wider a few years ago. Why confuse everyone?” However, both Regal and AMC chains are already planning to modify up to 90% of their movie screens by 2011 to accommodate this newly discovered technology.

George Lucas has reportedly pre-ordered a dozen upgraded cameras for Industrial Light & Magic. “Imagine how the original Star Wars Trilogy would look in this new, expanded aspect ratio. Wow.”

For more information on 16:12, visit Dr. Zoltan’s website.

“One day, a box of Pure Guava discs shows up from Elektra, and I started crying, because I was a music junkie and now we were on the same label as The Doors. Here was this record that we recorded in our apartment for not even two dollars — we didn’t even buy new tape, just taped over demo tapes bands gave us on the road — and it’s on Elektra.”

-Dean Ween, Magnet Magazine Interview, August 2000

P.S. For a full-length, incredible, amazing, fantastic interview by none other than Southwest Florida’s Ed Furniture (who still hasn’t paid his Venice, Florida office phone bill), read it.