Mr. Disney was so excited about this idea that he continued to plan it on the ceiling above his death bed. Unfortunately, it turned into yet another superficial amusement park full of mechanical animals.
-Dr. Zoltan!
If you’ve seen one issue of Alternative Press, you’ve seen them all. Does anyone else see a common theme here? 4 or 5 losers with messy hair, standing in front of some sort of abstract post-apocalyptic background. Shame on Alternative Press for perpetuating this mass image homogenization. What exactly is this the “Alternative” to, if it’s on every cover?
{ This post was written and approved by Dr. Zoltan! If you are pre-occupied with adolescence, please visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog. Dr. Zoltan believes he can help you. }
For those of you who manage an indoor sales environment (such as telemarketing), you may have been faced with the problem of the behavior of your employees. Salespeople are generally divided into two groups: those with Excellent Performance and Poor Behavior and those with Excellent Behavior and Poor Performance. In order to reward those who embrace both discipline and talents, and to penalize those who lack one or the other, I have devised a formula that factors Behavior directly into Sales Commission.
Keep in mind that this is based on an indoor office environment, in which the employees are expected to: show up on time, make 50 cold calls a day, make 5 pitches per day, and work 5 days a week totaling 40 hours. Essentially, a perfect score in behavior will DOUBLE their sales commission.
Here are some example scenarios that I generated, based on imaginary salespeople:
Bob makes 50 cold calls a day, shows up on time, is there every day, works a total of 40 hours, and makes 5 pitches a day. This week, he sold $3895 to previous customers and sold $895 to new accounts. His paycheck will be $1226.50, which is about 25% of his total sales performance.
Joe’s sales performance is the same as Bobs, except he showed up late 4 times, skipped work on Friday, only made 50 cold calls and 5 pitches, took long lunches and left early several times (totaling only 37 hours on his time sheet), he would have only made $570, penalizing him a total of $656 for poor behavior.
Bob made an extra $656 that week just for following all the rules! Joe needs to learn some discipline!
Steve is a hotshot salesman. His behavior is as poor as Joe’s, except he sells $10,000 to previous customers and $2000 in new business. Great sales numbers! But his paycheck is only $1395, just BARELY more than Bob’s (who follows the rules and only makes mediocre sales). Had he behaved as well as Bob, he would have taken home $3000, a full 25% of his sales performance.
Steve missed out on $1605 — what a loser!
Is it worth it to have an office full of employees with great behavior? Would this great behavior lead to increased sales? Some believe that it would!
I am offering an Excel spreadsheet of this equation for anyone that would like to try it out and apply it within their sales organization:
SalesPerformanceVsBehavior.xls
Simply adjust the fields that are shaded blue to see the results on the salesperson’s paycheck, which is shaded in green! Hours of fun!
Let me know how it works — I always appreciate feedback!
Dr. Zoltan!
drzoltan@drzoltan.com
Dr. Zoltan will attempt what has never been done before: a daily audio podcast addressing very important questions — questions submitted by YOU! The name of this feature shall be: “Why Are You Asking Me?” and it will appear on the Anti-Social Talk Show RSS Feed on DrZoltan.com and iTunes. Be aware that Dr. Zoltan will not tolerate bad questions. Questions can be on any topic or subject, and Dr. Zoltan will do his best to answer them. Questionizers can choose to remain anonymous or promote their own meme / teme. Please understand that while his research team is far more advanced than those working for John Tesh, they ARE time-travelers from another planet. It is uncertain how many questions will be answered per episode. The better the question, the more research it will receive.
Submit your questions immediately through one of the many communication devices attached directly to Dr. Zoltan’s mind, the most direct being drzoltan@drzoltan.com.
-Dr. Zoltan!
Discovery: Link Between Insanity And Creativity
Positioned by Dr. Zoltan!
The work of Arnold M. Ludwig, M.D., professor of psychiatry at the University of Kentucky College of Medicine establishes A Link Between Insanity and Creativity.
Ludwig determined that a dominant pattern exists: the more a profession relies on mathematical, natural, formal and objective modes of expression, the lower the prevalence of mental illness in its members. The more a profession relies on subjective and introspective modes, the higher the rates of mental disturbance… On almost all measures of psychopathology, visual artists with emotive styles had a 75 percent lifetime prevalence of alcoholism, drug use and depression; symbolic artists had a 52 percent lifetime rate, and those with the most formal styles had a 22 percent rate.
It also applies to scientists:
Social scientists [sociologists, educators and philosophers] were almost twice as likely as hard scientists [mathematicians, physicists and biologists] to have a mental disorder, the study found.
The study, however, fails to reveal whether the mental disorders of the afflicted artists and scientists were socially acceptable at parties.
Regardless, this study is further evidence that it would be best if “The Normals” stayed away from art altogether. Humans who are emotionally stable should go away and not interfere with the painful creative process. Dr. Zoltan will be focusing more on this important topic in the near future. Stay intonated!
{ This post was written and approved by Dr. Zoltan! If you felt defeated after reading it, please visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog. Or drink some beer and try to be popular. It is all you are good at. }
Marshall Applewhite has posted the following urgent message on YouTube. Dr. Zoltan believes that Marshall Applewhite may be onto something! Excellent sound design, too.
{ This post was written and approved by Dr. Zoltan! If you felt depressed after reading it, please visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog or just lock your doors and stay inside today — perhaps read a book. }