The fourth official edition of “Why Are You Asking Me?” has been posted to the Anti-Social Talk Show RSS Feed. Listen to the Podcast on iTunes, or directly download the mp3 file HERE. Please email drzoltan@drzoltan.com to have your question answered by Dr. Zoltan and his research team (also known around the TED Conference as The Temponautical Navigators).

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You are listening to Dr. Zoltan’s Øbelisk’s “Why Are You Asking Me, Dr. Zoltan?”

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One of Dr. Zoltan’s loyal listeners did not submit the following question as a standardized plaintext message — but instead, this episode’s question was received in the form of an image from a Samsung CHCSCHU-3, hmm. It was some sort of Phone Camera, that’s what it means. It is a photograph of a piece of paper that reads, “Did You Create A Lunch Violation” — uh, it’s also followed by 8 question marks for some reason. YOu can see this photo on the Dr. ZOltan website along with this podcast entry.

Dr. Zoltan’s research team was thrilled to have the opportunity to solve this unique problem. And here is what they came up with. Let me just find the piece of paper here. Hold on. I can’t find it. Oh, here it is.

(Clears throat)

A VHS corporate training video — this is what the piece of paper says — dubbed in 1985, uncovered at a public library’s A/V room in Polk County, Nebraska, wherever that is… actually makes the first-known recorded reference to the term, Lunch Violation! Hmm. …and outlines the conditions under which such an occurrence may occur. Sounds redundant, but I’m sure… uh, OK. Uh, following along here, I’m going to skip a few paragraphs because there’s some legal jargon here I don’t understand. And then it goes on to say…

Lunch Violation is denoted by two main criteria:

Number one!

If the employee is unable to feed himself without assistance from the assistant manager… semicolon or ellipsis — I… I don’t know why there was a semicolor there typed. Could have been a pinky error. ER-ROR.

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Now don’t turn the music up yet, the show isn’t over, hold on, we’re, this is uh, we’re just getting started.

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Thank you.

Number two!

This is going on down further down the piece of paper that was handed to me. Um… If the employee is unable to properly digest half a meal at half of the full-digestion rate, in which case he will be paid one and one half times his normal hourly wage for the duration of the lunch violation.

Hmm. I don’t know how the math works out on that, but I wouldn’t sign THAT employee handbook. OK… moving on, a few pages later… it says uh, actually there are no more pages, what am I talking about here? Uh…

Unfortunately, the uh, the fine print on the piece of paper, uh, also… the… the piece of paper that was hanging uh… apparently on a wall in maybe a break room of some sort, that was… there was a photo taken of it and sent in, and that’s what I’m reading… I think you know that by now…

It also asks us to “See Below” with 6 arrows, but we are unable to see what is actually below… it.

Dr. Zoltan does not know what else to say here, other than, I supppose you shouldn’t rink one of these “Lunch Violations,” they don’t sound pleasant.

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Dr. Zoltan employs a full-time research team to answer questions just like this one. If you have a question for Dr. Zoltan, please email it to drzoltan@drzoltan.com with “Attn: Speed Metal Dept.” in the subject line.

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Dr. Zoltan’s “Why Are You Asking Me?” is syndicated by WFIT 89.5 FM in Melbourne, FL and INK19.com.