The first official edition of “Why Are You Asking Me?” has been posted to the Anti-Social Talk Show RSS Feed. Listen to the Podcast on iTunes, or directly download the mp3 file HERE. Please email drzoltan@drzoltan.com to have your question answered by Dr. Zoltan and his research team! 

• • •

[Transcript begins]

You are listening to, “Why Are You Asking Me?” with Dr. Zoltan Øbelisk. [Dr. Zoltan makes several attempts but has difficulty pronouncing the "Ø."] Whatever.

[Music fades down]

Today’s question was submitted by an anonymous internet user.

Dear Dr. Zoltan: Why do you act like all “drug” — and they put the word “drug” in quotes — use is the same? Do you not think that there are some states of consciousness that can only be attained with substances that you must acquire outside of yourself?  Do you not think it is possible to do any “drug” — and they put the word in quotes again — in a responsible healthy virtuous intelligent manner? Question mark.

To answer your question, Mr. or Mrs. Anonymous…

Research shows that drugs can ruin your existence, depending on many factors, not the least of which is your bio-parents’ genetic dice roll. 

Research also shows that many people traverse their lifeline altered out of their spinning gourds, and they do fine. Dr. Zoltan is not one of those. Well, what I mean is, he does not use the chemicals… uh… doesn’t necessarily do fine, is what I mean… well… whatever.

Should you take the chance and partake of a substance that may alter your budget along with your state of consciousness?

Just ask Albert Hizzenbodum. Actually, you can’t ask him, because he is catatonic at the moment.

Luckily, I know his story, so I will [clears throat] tell it to you. Right now.

Albert was a bright young kid, an A student and outstanding volunteer in his community.

One day, as he rode his bicycle through an impoverished bad part of town to get to an anti-drug rally, which was organized by… let us call it… the local constabulary, he was struck by a carload of straightedge kids and now lies in a vegetative state.

These are the consequences. Let it be a lesson to you all.

[Music fades back up]

Dr. Zoltan employs a full-time research team to answer questions just like this one. If you have a question for Dr. Zoltan, please email it to drzoltan@drzoltan.com, with Attn: Speed Metal Dept. in the subject line.  

[End of transcript]

Dr. Zoltan’s “Why Are You Asking Me?” is syndicated by INK19.com.