The Blog of Dr. Zoltan! Host of the Anti-Social Talk Show and Founder of the War On Fun!

The following was scraped from Neal Stephenson’s esoteric homemade website. Unfortunately, it was removed from his official pop-culture domain in favor of advertisements for his books. In Dr. Zoltan’s ironic opinion, this letter is much more important than his fiction writing.

Writers who do not make themselves totally available to everyone, all the time, are frequently tagged with the “recluse” label. While I do not consider myself a recluse, I have found it necessary to place some limits on my direct interactions with individual readers. These limits most often come into play when people send me letters or e-mail, and also when I am invited to speak publicly. This document is a sort of form letter explaining why I am the way I am.

When I read a novel that I really like, I feel as if I am in direct, personal communication with the author. I feel as if the author and I are on the same wavelength mentally, that we have a lot in common with each other, and that we could have an interesting conversation, or even a friendship, if the circumstances permitted it. When the novel comes to an end, I feel a certain letdown, a loss of contact. It is natural to want to recapture that feeling by reading other works by the same author, or by corresponding with him/her directly.

All of this seems perfectly reasonable—I should know, since I have had these feelings myself! But it turns out to be a bad idea. To begin with, a novel has roughly the same relationship to a conversation with the author, as a movie does to the actors in it. A movie represents many person-years of work distilled into two hours, and so everything sounds and looks perfect. But if you have ever met a movie actor in person, you know that they are not quite as dazzling and witty (or as tall) as the figures they play in movies. This seems obvious but it always comes as a bit of a letdown anyway.
Likewise, a novel represents years of hard work distilled into a few hundred pages, with all (or at least most) of the bad ideas cut out and thrown away, and the good ideas polished and refined as much as possible. Interacting with an author in person is nothing like reading his novels. Just about everyone who gets an opportunity to meet with an author in person ends up feeling mildly let down, and in some cases, grievously disappointed.

Authors are participants in a kind of colloquy that joins together all literate persons, and so it seems only reasonable that they should from time to time stop writing fiction for a few hours or days, and attend public events, such as conventions, signings, panels, seminars, etc., where they should exchange ideas with other authors and with other members of society. Therefore, authors such as myself frequently receive invitations to do exactly that.

Letters or e-mail from readers, and invitations to speak in public, might seem like very different things. In fact they are points on a common continuum; they have more in common than is obvious at first. The e-mail message from the reader, and the invitation to speak at a conference, are both requests (in most cases, polite and absolutely reasonable requests) for the author to interact directly with readers.

Normally, my only interaction with readers is to go to a Fedex drop box every couple of years and throw in the manuscript of a completed novel. It seems reasonable enough to ask for a little bit more than that! After all, the time commitment is very small: a few minutes tapping out an e-mail message, or a day trip to a conference to speak.

For some authors, this works, but in my case, it doesn’t. There is little to nothing that I can offer readers above and beyond what appears in my published writings. It follows that I should devote all my efforts to writing more material for publication, rather than spending a few minutes here, a day there, answering e-mails or going to conferences.

Writing novels is hard, and requires vast, unbroken slabs of time. Four quiet hours is a resource that I can put to good use. Two slabs of time, each two hours long, might add up to the same four hours, but are not nearly as productive as an unbroken four. If I know that I am going to be interrupted, I can’t concentrate, and if I suspect that I might be interrupted, I can’t do anything at all. Likewise, several consecutive days with four-hour time-slabs in them give me a stretch of time in which I can write a decent book chapter, but the same number of hours spread out across a few weeks, with interruptions in between them, are nearly useless.

The productivity equation is a non-linear one, in other words. This accounts for why I am a bad correspondent and why I very rarely accept speaking engagements. If I organize my life in such a way that I get lots of long, consecutive, uninterrupted time-chunks, I can write novels. But as those chunks get separated and fragmented, my productivity as a novelist drops spectacularly. What replaces it? Instead of a novel that will be around for a long time, and that will, with luck, be read by many people, there is a bunch of e-mail messages that I have sent out to individual persons, and a few speeches given at various conferences.

That is not such a terrible outcome, but neither is it an especially good outcome. The quality of my e-mails and public speaking is, in my view, nowhere near that of my novels. So for me it comes down to the following choice: I can distribute material of bad-to-mediocre quality to a small number of people, or I can distribute material of higher quality to more people. But I can’t do both; the first one obliterates the second.

Another factor in this choice is that writing fiction every day seems to be an essential component in my sustaining good mental health. If I get blocked from writing fiction, I rapidly become depressed, and extremely unpleasant to be around. As long as I keep writing it, though, I am fit to be around other people. So all of the incentives point in the direction of devoting all available hours to fiction writing.

I am not proud of the fact that some of my e-mail goes unanswered as a result. It is never my intention to be rude or to give well-meaning readers the cold shoulder. If I were a commercial best-seller, I would have enough money to hire a staff to look after my correspondence. As it is, my books are bought by enough people to provide me with a sort of middle-class lifestyle, but not enough to hire employees, and so I am faced with a stark choice between being a bad correspondent and being a good novelist. I am trying to be a good novelist, and hoping that people will forgive me for being a bad correspondent.

Dr. Zoltan is now obsessed with Logical Fallacies. Visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog to find out more.

The fifth official edition of “Why Are You Asking Me?” has been posted to the Anti-Social Talk Show RSS Feed. Listen to the Podcast on iTunes, or directly download the mp3 file HERE. Please email drzoltan@drzoltan.com to have your question answered by Dr. Zoltan and his research team (also known around the TED Conference as The Temponautical Navigators).

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[Transcript begins]

You are listening to “Why Are You Asking Me?” with Dr. Zoltan Oo-bah-lisk. Ue… balisk. Unfortunately, Dr. Zoltan’s research team is on some sort of expedition or… very busy this week. Or either not busy, or taking a week off. So Dr. Zoltan is going to be required to read from a handful of cue cards which were left on his desk by his assistant Brian Compton. Dr. Zoltan narrated some thoughts to Brian, and hopefully they are going to come out OK. Without the research team, but it will probably be a complete disaster. So if you are looking for a professional uh, commentary… You are gonna have to look someone else, like a Dan Carlin podcast or something like that, maybe 2600… um. OK, and here we go. I am going to try reading from these… let me just shuffle them. Am I supposed to shuffle them? I’m not sure. That is what I usually do with cards. OK.

The follow question was found written on the underside of a collating table in the back of a print shop, if you can believe that… written with what appeared to be a CMYK grease pencil of some sort.Hmm. Four color job. It asked, “Dear Dr. Zoltan: are the 2008 US Elections Going To Be Cancelled?”

Well… Dr. Zoltan will now answer that question. After just a moment. Here, put these over here where I can see them. OK.

As most of you know by now, if you watch television… It is a fact that Sarah Palin is the most dangerous person in the United States. Dr. Zoltan does not own a television or… He does have cable, though. Plenty of cables. Back to the story. Uh…

Like a rabid squirrel making a beeline for your pantleg, she must be stopped. That’s what it’s written. It’s uh, it’s written here on this cue card so I’m just reading it. I don’t know what that means.

Sarah Palin’s tactic has always been: I don’t think I was supposed to read the colon. act tough and insane, and your animalistic superiority will intimidate your opponent. She’s right… That was a contraction there. I don’t allow contractions on this show. I’m going to retract that contraction and just make it uh… she is right. Simply because she’s right. Sounds repetitive. She will win because she will win. Team spirit. Sports mentality. Keep fighting no matter what. It doesn’t matter if you have thought your argument through.

Who wrote these stupid cue cards? OK. This just sounds very mechanical.

To many humans… uh. Yes, no… the other too. Too many humans think that debating is like arm-wrestling: that the person who pushes hardest wins. Not so.

Intellectuals such as scientists, mathematicians, and philosophers are required to check their work, take a step back, question everything, and make sure they are correct before they proceed. Sarah Palin will not participate in this twaddle. I don’t know what a twaddle is. Sounds something involving a duck. OK, uh.. the next cue card says.

A human who is unable to doubt — oh, this is uh… this is something I have said in many of my lectures — A human who is unable to doubt his or her ideas is incapable of critical thinking. I believe that. I’ll even repeat it. A human who is unable to doubt his or her ideas is incapable of critical thinking. What they ARE capable of is plunging the world back into the dark ages. I’m sure Reverend Wright wouldn’t even uh… touch that subject. Alright. Uh…

This leads Dr. Zoltan to believe that the 2008 US Elections will indeed be canceled, and the US Government will be replaced with the TED Conference. I don’t know why it says TED Conference. Alright, whatever. Next week the uh, the Research Team should be back from uh, I think maybe they’re at the TED Conference. I’m not even really sure where they are. Thank you all for listening, and let’s hope they get back soon and safely.

[Music fades up]

Dr. Zoltan employs a full-time research team to answer questions just like this one. If you have a question for Dr. Zoltan, please email it to drzoltan@drzoltan.com with “Attn: Speed Metal Dept.” in the subject line.

[End of transcript]

Dr. Zoltan’s “Why Are You Asking Me?” is syndicated by WFIT 89.5 FM in Melbourne, FL and INK19.com.

From http://www.awkarchive.com/text.php?id=14

I have a room that I rent in Florida. I was a real serious kid, real intense, and there were a lot of things that I was doing by myself I took seriously, like organizing little pieces of paper, cutting out things from magazines, and filing them away. I’d set up these huge spread-out projects on my floor. I’d cut out those ads in comic books for, like, a million different T-shirts. I’d cut out each one of those designs and line them up. Stuff like that. Really intense, very serious, lots of drawing and planning things and working on things and looking forward to things. I lived in my own world, all the while taking piano lessons.

Dr. Zoltan loves Logical Fallacies. Visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog to learn a few every week.

Tim Ferriss: “If you have any skills and you’re just as honest with your audience (or potential audience) as you would be with friends after 2 drinks, you’ll have die hard fans. You’ll also have people who decide you are the anti-Christ.”

Dr. Zoltan is now obsessed with Logical Fallacies. Visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog to find out more.

Republicans are calling Barack Obama a Socialist, based on his proposal to raise the highest income bracket from 35% to 39%.

This is a Logical Fallacy known as the Sorites Paradox, or the Paradox of the Heap. It is explained thusly: if you have a heap of sand and gradually remove grains of sand, at which point will it no longer be a heap? It is also called The Paradox of the Beard: how many whiskers must one have on his face for it to officially be considered a Beard?

Similarly, at which point DOES a particular tax bracket become Socialism? 36%? 37%? You have four percentage points to choose from. Which one is it?

The intention of “Redistribution of Wealth” is for everyone to pitch in and pay to use common public services. One way this is done is through Income Tax. The rich pay a larger percentage and amount, because it is understood that they can afford to. Another 4% will PROBABLY not greatly inconvenience those on the Forbes List of Humans Who Have More Money Than You Can Imagine.

As Colin Powell recently stated in a YouTube video, “Taxes are ALWAYS a Redistribution of [Wealth].”

The Republicans are using the word Socialist as an Ad Hominem Argument, which is attacking an opponent without addressing the substance of the argument. In other words, it is intended as an insult (or an Appeal To Emotion). If we accept the premise that Socialism is bad, does that mean that all forms of Socialism are bad? Or only the forms that Obama advocates simply because he is the opponent?

If all forms of Socialism are bad, and if they are elected, will McCain and Palin pledge to eliminate all forms of Socialism?
Or will they still adopt some Socialist policies while doing away with others?

The word Socialism can mean many different things, and The Republicans have failed to define the term. Dr. Zoltan has no choice but to take a guess at what they are referring to. (The following is not a Straw Man or Red Herring — it is merely “fun” conjecture.)

In the current political context, Socialism might mean Central Planning.

Will McCain and Palin do away with ALL Central Planning, which includes the Interstate Highway System, The U.S. Postal Service, Public Schools, NASA, Parks, Beaches, City Buses, and The Armed Forces?

But to be more specific, The Republicans are most likely referring to Socialism as meaning Central Planning of the Economy At Large. And if that is true, why are they the ones who pushed for the $700 Billion Bail-Out and Centralization of Power within the Treasury Department?

Dr. Zoltan digresses. In summary, if you want to be a Bad Arguer, do the following:

1.) Use an important and powerful term such as Socialism without defining what it is you are referring to,
2.) Ignore the specifics of your opponent’s proposal, and
3.) Join the Republican Party and embrace a morality built on Logical Fallacies.

Dr. Zoltan is now obsessed with Logical Fallacies. Visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog to find out more.

Are you suffering from Creative Career Paralyisis? Are you afraid to make creative decisions because they might DESTROY you? Take this advice from Derek Sivers, the founder of CDBaby. Dr. Zoltan’s Summary: rather than viewing a creative career as a strict strategy or calculated business, view it as a fantastic experiment in living an unusual life. As Derek Sivers says, “This is only a test!”

Dr. Zoltan is now obsessed with Logical Fallacies. Visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog to find out more.

Dr. Zoltan has discovered a Spanish-Language blog by a creature who calls himself Lord Zoltan! He has his own series of cartoons (and you can read about these courtesy of Google Translate) called The Island of Dr. Zoltan! Also note his use of the term, “Meme Crisis.” Fascinating! Dr. Zoltan is proud to appear in multiple cultural costumes across Endless Time. 

Dr. Zoltan is now obsessed with Logical Fallacies. Visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog to find out more.

The fourth official edition of “Why Are You Asking Me?” has been posted to the Anti-Social Talk Show RSS Feed. Listen to the Podcast on iTunes, or directly download the mp3 file HERE. Please email drzoltan@drzoltan.com to have your question answered by Dr. Zoltan and his research team (also known around the TED Conference as The Temponautical Navigators).

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[Transcript begins]

You are listening to Dr. Zoltan’s Øbelisk’s “Why Are You Asking Me, Dr. Zoltan?”

[Music fades down]

One of Dr. Zoltan’s loyal listeners did not submit the following question as a standardized plaintext message — but instead, this episode’s question was received in the form of an image from a Samsung CHCSCHU-3, hmm. It was some sort of Phone Camera, that’s what it means. It is a photograph of a piece of paper that reads, “Did You Create A Lunch Violation” — uh, it’s also followed by 8 question marks for some reason. YOu can see this photo on the Dr. ZOltan website along with this podcast entry.

Dr. Zoltan’s research team was thrilled to have the opportunity to solve this unique problem. And here is what they came up with. Let me just find the piece of paper here. Hold on. I can’t find it. Oh, here it is.

(Clears throat)

A VHS corporate training video — this is what the piece of paper says — dubbed in 1985, uncovered at a public library’s A/V room in Polk County, Nebraska, wherever that is… actually makes the first-known recorded reference to the term, Lunch Violation! Hmm. …and outlines the conditions under which such an occurrence may occur. Sounds redundant, but I’m sure… uh, OK. Uh, following along here, I’m going to skip a few paragraphs because there’s some legal jargon here I don’t understand. And then it goes on to say…

Lunch Violation is denoted by two main criteria:

Number one!

If the employee is unable to feed himself without assistance from the assistant manager… semicolon or ellipsis — I… I don’t know why there was a semicolor there typed. Could have been a pinky error. ER-ROR.

[Music fades up]

Now don’t turn the music up yet, the show isn’t over, hold on, we’re, this is uh, we’re just getting started.

[Music fades down]

Thank you.

Number two!

This is going on down further down the piece of paper that was handed to me. Um… If the employee is unable to properly digest half a meal at half of the full-digestion rate, in which case he will be paid one and one half times his normal hourly wage for the duration of the lunch violation.

Hmm. I don’t know how the math works out on that, but I wouldn’t sign THAT employee handbook. OK… moving on, a few pages later… it says uh, actually there are no more pages, what am I talking about here? Uh…

Unfortunately, the uh, the fine print on the piece of paper, uh, also… the… the piece of paper that was hanging uh… apparently on a wall in maybe a break room of some sort, that was… there was a photo taken of it and sent in, and that’s what I’m reading… I think you know that by now…

It also asks us to “See Below” with 6 arrows, but we are unable to see what is actually below… it.

Dr. Zoltan does not know what else to say here, other than, I supppose you shouldn’t rink one of these “Lunch Violations,” they don’t sound pleasant.

[Music fades up]

Dr. Zoltan employs a full-time research team to answer questions just like this one. If you have a question for Dr. Zoltan, please email it to drzoltan@drzoltan.com with “Attn: Speed Metal Dept.” in the subject line.

[End of transcript]

Dr. Zoltan’s “Why Are You Asking Me?” is syndicated by WFIT 89.5 FM in Melbourne, FL and INK19.com.

Contextomy is a logical fallacy / term that refers to the act of “Quoting Out Of Context.”

How to do it: simply remove a statement or phrase (or even a sentence fragment) from the rest of the entire context surrounding it, thus changing the meaning to suit your purpose.

One of the best examples of this is CNN. Instead of publishing unedited texts written by important world political figures, the reader is simply given second-hand bits and pieces which will stir up the most controversy (and thus generate more advertising revenue).

In marketing, Contextomy is known as Quote Farming. By leaving out a few words, “It is incredible that this music sounds so bad, I would never buy it,” turns into, “It is incredible music. Buy it.”

Another example of Contextomy is the contemporary practice of religion, which was made famous for its tendency to take entire books out of context.

Contextomy continues to exist because:

1.) The truth consists of many (often complex) facts
2.) Facts can be difficult to verify by individuals, particularly on advanced subjects
3.) One sentence is easier to understand than a hundred sentences

It is often easier to simply remove the context and focus on only one detail of the truth to get your intended point / agenda across.

With that in mind, Dr. Zoltan will leave you with a stunning piece of Contextomy entitled, “Science.” I wonder who the author is… I will give you a hint: he is a famous professor at a University.

Science is a light. It is a discovery of reality, and only a pure scholar and researcher, free from wrong ideologies, superstitions, selfishness and material trappings, can discover the reality.

My dear friends and scholars, distinguished participants, science and wisdom can also be misused, a misuse caused by selfishness, corruption, material desires and material interests, as well as individual and group interests. Material desires place humans against the realities of the world. Corrupted independent human beings resist acceptance of reality and even if they do accept it, they do not obey it.

There are many scholars who are aware of the realities but do not accept them. Their selfishness does not allow them to accept those realities. Did those who in the course of human history wage wars not understand the reality that lives, properties, dignity, territories and the rights of all human beings should be respected? Or did they understand it but neither have faith in nor abide by it?

My dear friends, as long as the human heart is not free from hatred, envy and selfishness, it does not abide by the truth, by the illumination of science and science itself. Science is the light and scientists must be pure and pious. If humanity achieves the highest level of physical and spiritual knowledge, but its scholars and scientists are not pure, then this knowledge cannot serve the interest of humanity, and several events can ensue.

First, the wrongdoers reveal only a part of the reality which is to their own benefit and conceal the rest, as we have witnessed with respect to the scholars of the divine religions in the past too. Unfortunately today we see that certain researchers and scientists are still hiding the truth from the people.

Second, scientists and scholars are misused for personal, group or party interests. So in today’s world, ruling powers are misusing many scholars and scientists in different fields, with the purpose of stripping nations of their wealth.

And they use all opportunities only for their own benefit.

For example, they deceive people by using scientific methods and tools. They, in fact, wish to justify their own wrongdoings, though, by creating nonexistent enemies, for example, and have insecure atmosphere. They try to control all in the name of combatting insecurity and terrorism. They even violate individual and social freedoms in their own nations under that pretext. They do not respect the privacy of their own people. They tap telephone calls and try to control their people. They create an insecure psychological atmosphere in order to justify their warmongering acts in different parts of the world.

As another example, by using precise scientific methods and planning, they begin their onslaught on the domestic cultures of nations, the cultures which are the result of thousands of years of interaction, creativity and artistic activities. They try to eliminate these cultures in order to separate the people from their identity and cut their bonds with their own history and values. They prepare the ground for stripping people from their spiritual and material wealth by instilling in them feelings of intimidation, desire for imitation and mere consumption, submission to oppressive powers, and disability.

Making nuclear, chemical and biological bombs and weapons of mass destruction is yet another result of the misuse of science and research by the big powers. Without cooperation of certain scientists and scholars, we would not have witnessed production of different nuclear, chemical and biological weapons. Are these weapons to protect global security? What can a perpetual nuclear umbrella threat achieve for the sake of humanity? If nuclear war wages between nuclear powers, what human catastrophe will take place? Today we can see the nuclear effects in even new generations of Nagasaki and Hiroshima residents which might be witness in even the next generations to come. Presently, effects of the depleted uranium used in weapons since the beginning of the war in Iraq can be examined and investigated accordingly. These catastrophes take place only when scientists and scholars are misused by oppressors.

Another point of sorrow, some big powers create a monopoly over science and prevent other nations in achieving scientific development as well.

This, too, is one of the surprises of our time. Some big powers do not want to see the progress of other societies and nations. They turn to thousands of reasons, make allegations, place economic sanctions to prevent other nations from developing and advancing, all resulting from their distance from human values, moral values and the teachings of the divine prophet. Regretfully, they have not been trained to serve mankind.

Sources: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fallacy_of_quoting_out_of_context

Dr. Zoltan is now obsessed with Logical Fallacies. Visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog to find out more.

On the topic of auditioning, Wil Wheaton had this to say:

This is something I tell actors all the time: you have to find ways to enjoy auditions, and as hard as it is, as counter intuitive as it is, you just can’t make success or failure about booking the job. You have to make success or failure about enjoying yourself. You’ve got to enjoy the process of creating the character, preparing the audition, and then giving the people on the other side of the desk whatever your take on the character is. You absolutely can not go in there and try to give them what you think they want. The way you stand out, and the way you enjoy it whether you are hired or not, is to take the material, prepare it, and find some way to make it your own. Even if you don’t book the job (and the ratio of auditions to jobs is something like 20:1 for successful actors) you’ve beencreative. Casting people will recognize that, and even if you’re not right for this particular job, they are more likely to bring you in for other parts, because they’ve already seen you take a creative risk.

This dovetails with some advice one of my acting teachers once gave me: auditioning can’t be the only place an actor has to get the creative monkey off his back. Acting workshops, live theater, sketch and improv shows, and other non-competitive performing environments are vital creative outlets for actors who wish to retain any sort of sanity. Having these places to perform does more than keep your skills in shape; it should take some of the importance away from auditions, letting you get out of your own way so you can enjoy the process.

Dr. Zoltan is now obsessed with Logical Fallacies and will post a new one tomorrow. For now, just go ahead and visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog to find out not a whole lot more.